


Not a hero

by Not_Crazy_Just_a_Fangirl



Series: Blood On Your Hands, "Hero" [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark is not a hero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 17:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1696274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_Crazy_Just_a_Fangirl/pseuds/Not_Crazy_Just_a_Fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark grows up in the shadow of a ghost. And then it comes to life.</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Tony Stark will never admit to being a hero, because that's when it'll all go wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not a hero

Anthony Stark was 4 the first time he heard about Captain America. Steve Rogers. His father's best friend. A superhero, the first superhero. Aunt Peggy loved him. It was enough to start a bit of hero-worship.

Tony was six when Anthony became Tony. When he stopped having to sneak into Howard's lab to invent things. When he started becoming someone to use instead of a son.

It wasn't until he was 12 that he really learned Captain America's story. How he saved the world and died trying. How Howard never stopped looking. He wasn't the golden son. Captain America was. Tony would never be a hero, in any sense, because he would never be good enough. So he let Obie use him for weapons. Obie was meant to be the heir to Stark industries anyway. Tony would be the means to the end. If no one else cared why should he.

He's 17 when he and Howard have a fight about it. Jarvis (the original) had visited, brought by a box of things to personalize his MIT dorm a little bit more. His old Captain America action figure was in there. And he wanted to smash it to bits, but he couldn't. Captain America didn't even seem real. Like a made up figure to blame everything on. A ghost who's shadow Tony would learn to live in. It's all he ever did. Then Jarvis and Howard and Maria die. And everything starts trying to make him measure up. As kind as Maria. As smart as Howard. As buisness minded as Obie. And everyone forgets Jarvis and he wants to scream because it's not fair. But he can't do anything about it. Because Stark's have iron in their backbones. He can't.

So instead of trying to show them who he is, he shows them what they want to see. They want a spoiled rich kid. Fine. It's a game, and he's been winning since he was 4. But he can't escape the shadows. The ghosts. So he smiles and plays around. Ignores the company, it's not his anyway. So he's 21 until he even trys again. And somehow, they start to see he's smarter than his father. And he'll always be Howard's son but somehow they start to see Tony and not the mini-Stark when they look at him. Things get better. He maybe just gets too used to it to care...

Then Ahganistan, and Yinsen, and Iron man happen and he starts to think that maybe he's not as over it as he thought. Because he's got everything you could want, but he doesn't have a thing. No family. Maybe three friends who barely know him. And really, he doesn't even know himself. So he starts trying to be Anthony Stark, the kid who adored the world and built things in secret not for praise but to help people. Who tried to fix things instead of being what they wanted to see. But Tony Stark the genius-playboy is so rooted in their minds he has to wear a mask to let them see through it. Get his heart turned to metal to prove he has one. And the ghosts came back full force. With another added to the list, one he won't tell a soul about. Yinsen. A good man who died to save him. And Jarvis too, who raised him, taught him about people and heart and right v. wrong. Howard, who never cared. Who always had to be better. And Captain America, the ghost he never met, and could never live up too. Iron man was no hero. Because Tony Stark can't ever say those words. The moment he claims to be hero, they'll eat him up alive, and the ghosts will come like sharks to blood. He's not a hero. He's just fixing his own screw ups.

He trys. He really, really trys. He goes to meetings. He sleeps 6 hours a night, and eats at least two meals a day. But Obie ripped his heart out, literally. Another ghost on the tally. Daring him to say he's a hero for defeating a villain. But he won't. He throws himself into his work. His heart's killing him. Both his hearts are. He's not sure which pain is worse. He makes Pepper CEO. Let's Rhodey take the suit. Let's Happy win bets and boxing. So easy to make them happy. He's going to die. He doesn't care. He should be dead 50 times over anyways. Then Fury and SHIELD come and he thought he was done with this 10 years ago when his father died. And, he's going to live. A ghost showing him up from the grave. And Hammer's the villian this time. Or helping the villian anyway. Guess that makes him the...no he won't say it.

He does right by Pepper. He doesn't destroy SHIELD. He doesn't kill Natashalie. He doing all right. Fixing his mistakes. Then Coulson and Fury and SHIELD come knocking again. Saying he's not the only (hero) one like him. That Thor and Loki, norse gods, are real and on earth. That Banner, the Hulk, is one of the good guys (like he didn't know that). That Captain freaking America was found and defrozen and alive. He tries to hate him. He can't. But his living ghost is going to haunt him. He gets dragged into the time-bomb freak show and it's a miracle they don't kill each other. He's got more blood on his hands than Legolas and Spidey together, and they call him the civilian. The untrained one. The merely human one. Funny. He knows all their stories and weak points. Smarter then all of them combined. Trained by Peggy Carter, and Howard, and SHIELD. He sticks to the science.

He won't fight ghosts. Because Captain America just dragged them all up again. Calling him Howard. Saying he's not a hero (he knew it, but it still hurts). A man lost in time. Begging to see something, someone he knows. Bucky, Peggy, Howard. Tony's too alike but too different. And it's ironic, Howard spent forever trying to find Capsicle in Tony. Capsicle's going to spend forever looking for Howard in Tony. Never good enough. Not a hero. Never gonna say it. All these ghosts are waiting for him to break.

Coulson dies and it's another ghost trying to rip his heart out. His friend. His agent. Loki will pay. And he's freaking out. He knows it. Stupid choice. Stupid people. And he knows it's not just Coulson he's talking about. It's Yinsen, and Jarvis, and Coulson all at once. People stupid enough to care about Tony Stark and get hurt because of it. Everyone always ends up breaking your heart. And they wonder why he's not a people person... And Rogers calls him a soldier and he's not. Because a soldier means blind faith in the system and he hates that. It's what let all these ghosts live in the shadows. Lurking til they can tear him to shreds.

Then the war really starts and their fighting. Aliens. And this, this isn't science. This isn't real. Because aliens are streaming through the black hole in the sky and a god is on their team helping them fight another. This is, magic and science-fiction and everything Tony can't understand. His feet are pulled out from under him and the ghosts are waiting in the shadows to bring him crashing. Admit he's a hero but can't win this war. He's not a hero. But he will win. He threatens Loki without the suit. Trusts Rogers to get him out of the engine when he was fixing it. He works with them and listens to orders. Helps them save the world. Speaks english (not science) for them and knows Banner is going to show up. He'll learn this new reality. He pretends. No one understands how Tony Stark could go from whiny billionare, human, civilain to soldier. Hero. (not, he's not, not, not) But it's a war so they don't question it. And the system sends a freaking nuclear missile at them. And Tony doesn't think. He grabs it and flys it through the portal. Time to save the world. But he's not a hero because it's selfish. He knows he won't come back. He shouldn't even be alive. He'll be damned if he let's someone else become a ghost. And, he's in space. He blows up the aliens and falls. With Pepper's face on the screen, JARVIS' voice in his ears and a sorry on his lips.

The gets caught by the Hulk. And they win. They get shwarma and become...not friends exactly. But, not strangers. The Avengers. Earth's mightiest heroes. (execpt for him, because he's not a hero) But the ghosts seem a little less restless. He's not a hero. But maybe one day he will be.


End file.
